Parenting Blog with Yvonne Aileen

Aug. 11, 2010

The Universe Answers

I am continually going over the Keys with my two sons. Max, my 12-year-old, spoke of unconditional love, and how I once sent that to a man who had cut in front of me in a checkout line, and he turned around and let me go ahead. Max said he tried that too, and it worked.

"But it didn't work on the $5 I asked for."

"When was this?" I asked him.

"I was asking the Universe for five dollars, and thinking and feeling I would have it. Then I asked you for it and you said if I wanted five dollars I'd have to mow the lawn."

"Then it worked," I said. "It worked perfectly. You asked, the Universe answered, but you didn't like the answer."

It's important, when working through the Keys, to let kids know they have the responsibility of receiving. And often, receiving means taking action.

June 3, 2010

Getting Good Grades When Kids "Test"

It's natural for children to begin to test their parents around the ages of 10-17. Often they will confine this testing to the "safer" parent, the one they're around the most often. When this happens, try to remember: "This is a test, and only a test. If this were an actual emergency ..."

Realizing that it's a natural part of childhood development should help. If it doesn't, give yourself a timeout before you respond. When you're ready, let your child know there are consequences. For instance, my son flat out refused to do a chore I asked him to do. I said, "OK. Your choice."

He said, "You mean I don't have to?"

"No." Before he could pump his fists in triumph, I added, "but of course, there will be consequences."

"Like what?" he wanted to know.

"I'll let you know," I said. Later I decided to ask for his cell phone back. "If you're not responsible enough to do chores, you're not responsible enough to carry a cell phone."

He offered to do the chore.

This scenario repeated many times, and eventually we talked about why it was happening. "I don't know why I act the way I do sometimes," he confessed.

I explained that it was a natural part of getting older, and we talked about some other ways for him to exert his power without openly defying me. For instance, if he knew a chore needed to be done, doing it before I asked him would prevent me from needing to remind him. This has worked well for brushing his teeth, not so well for picking up his room.

He's turning 12 soon. We've got five or six more years to get this right.

What do you do when your child tests you? Write Yvonne.

 

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